Babies and Chaos

About Mama Chaos

Hi! I am Chelsea the creator of babies and chaos, you can call me Mama Chaos. I am a mother of a one-year-old girl named Skyla. I also have two dogs that are my children (go ahead judge me, they are my babies) their names are Chewy and Peach. I am married to an amazingly understanding man named Phil who has helped me more than I think he realizes. So why a blog? I guess maybe it’s because since beginning my journey into becoming a mother my life has changed in more ways than I ever thought possible. At first I thought it would be easy to become pregnant. I mean you see birth control everywhere and hear about people getting accidentally pregnant all the time. But that didn’t happen. We started no longer actively preventing pregnancy a few months before our wedding. At that point we though, if it happens, it happens. Then for the next year we followed the same thought process. One day we decided we would actively start trying, I was so excited and I was positive that we would get pregnant right away. But we didn’t. After almost a year of actively trying and watching my two sister in laws get pregnant we decided to talk to a doctor. We were referred to a fertility clinic. We then spent the next 7 months using Clomid and trigger shots and eventually IUI to get pregnant. The thing about fertility treatment is that you drive yourself crazy every month. You have all these extra hormones in you and every time you get a negative or your period you mourn the loss of a baby you never really had. When we finally got a positive, I was terrified. My entire pregnant I felt like I did not deserve my baby because I was not able to get pregnant on my own. I thought that because God didn’t give me a baby on my own then I wasn’t supposed to be a mother. When my daughter was born (her birth is a whole other story) I thought I would be ok. I was wrong. The thing with postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety is that it sneaks up on you and no one wants to talk about it. It is more common than you think. I couldn’t keep up with the housework (I was told it is because I am lazy). I could barely get out of bed to take care of the baby that I longed for, for years. I gained weight like crazy (40 lbs so far). I was so angry at everybody and everything. I thought it was just from being tired (man was I exhausted), but it was more than that. I started having thoughts of how worthless I am and how much better off people would be without me. Those are thoughts that I recognized from when I was diagnosed with depression previously. I told my husband and my best friend how I was feeling and they encouraged me to get help. I was so nervous to admit I had a problem; so afraid of being judged. After finding the right medications and finding other like me I became stronger. I admitted to all my friends and family that I was having problems. I decided I would no longer be silent about a struggle that many people deal with. I guess this blog is my way of saying I know what it’s like, I know your struggle. I may not know your story but I would love to hear it. I am here for you on this journey. I will show you my life as I try to get back on track. I am going to show you how I am getting my house back in order and what I am doing to keep it that way. I hope you all will hold me accountable to my weight loss and health goals. I am also going to share with you what I do as a stay at home mom, how I keep my daughter engaged and active, and how I keep myself sane. I hope you stay and look around. There is no judgement here.


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