Babies and Chaos

Where did spring go?

What. The. Actual. F**k. Ok who pissed off mother nature because it is snowing, April 26th and it is snowing. Not just a little flurry, the ground is literally covered in snow. I mean look at this crap.

Eww.

Last week it was in the 60’s and beautiful, now it is snowing for the second time this week. I had to turn the heat on in the house and my husband is using this to fuel his argument for moving somewhere warm. Don’t get me wrong, I love snow, just not in April. It is spring’s turn winter, you’re not wanted here! I need to clean and I like to have my windows open when I clean, it’s like the warm air gives me energy that I desperately need. Well I can’t really open the windows when its only 29 degrees outside. I need a solid 45 to open these windows (I am a North Dakota girl after all). Well I guess I better get cleaning anyway, lots to do and only a few days to do it. Anyone else struggle to get going when the weather is crappy?

I do have to say that even though the snow stinks there are still some beautiful parts, I guess it’s kind of like life in that way.

Taken today by Erin, used with her permission.

Cooking to Quiet the Mind

I mentioned in my last post about how cooking makes me feel happy, for me it is a huge de-stresser. So last night for our family dinner I decided to make homemade pizza. I even made the crust from scratch, mainly from necessity, but I did it! I found the recipe for the crust on allrecipes.com, I got to say it was pretty good. Next time I am definitely going to add some spices to the dough though. It had a really good texture but the taste was just a little blah. I also had only half the olive oil the recipe called for this time so I used half vegetable oil. That may have affected the taste a little bit but hey a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. I swear we are always running out of something around here, be it olive oil or money lol. But anywho the dough turned out awesome, I mean look at that beauty!

Usually when I make dough (which may or may not come from a little box) it gets all over my dang hands when I try to roll it out. I don’t know about you but I hate when my hands get sticky, it drives me batty. This did not stick to my hands at all. I just slid it right off the dough hook and was so easy to roll out on the pizza stone (thank you little brother for the wedding present!). It was my first time using a pizza stone and I must say there is a bit of a learning curve. I am hoping to get a pizza peel soon so next time I can heat up the stone in the oven and then put the pizza on to get a crisper crust. This time I rolled out the pizza directly on the stone with some cornmeal to prevent it from sticking, it worked but it wasn’t ideal. Sure looked good though (at least in my opinion).

My years working at Pizza Hut are finally good for something!!

It was a hit with our family, my husband kept saying he wanted more. I will be making this again in the future and I think next time we will get a little more creative with the toppings (can you say veggies?!). It was also a hit with my soul to make this. Yeah that sounds a little hippy dippy but honestly when I am in the kitchen everything calms down. It is my favorite thing to do when I just can’t deal with life anymore. What is your thing that you do to calm your mind? Do you read? Draw? Scream? Sing? Exercise? Sexercise? Meditate? Pray? What is your thing? Everyone has one and if you are having trouble with an over excited mind I encourage you to find you mind niche. Let me know in the comments what you have found that helps. Buh bye for now!

 

Funkarama

This has been one of those weeks. You know the ones where you are just in a funk and you can’t get out. There have been the days where I feel like I failure as a mom and a wife. I can’t keep this damn house clean. I try and try and then I just don’t even want to get up from bed. I force myself to get up for Sky, I tell myself you have to write a list of things to do today and then you will do them. Well guess what, the only thing I end up doing is writing the list. I do get up and cook everyday but that is something that I love to do. Like tonight I made lasagna soup from Skinnytaste.com. It took my mind off of the rest of the house to just be cooking dinner while my husband watched Sky, but then comes the kitchen clean up. Between my back and just my general lack of wanting to do anything it just gets worse and worse. Don’t get me wrong, our house is livable, it’s just not the cleanest it has ever been. I get questions like how are you going to do this if you have another baby, well here’s the thing, it’s not that I don’t have time, I do, it’s that I just can’t get up and do it sometimes. When I am having good weeks with my depression then the house looks amazing, well at least to my standards, but when I am feeling off it shows in my house. Like this Saturday I am having some people over so I know I need to clean but I just can’t. I feel like I’m drowning in my own mind, do you know what I mean? Does anyone else ever feel this way? I hope I am not the only one.

A low blow

So lately things just have not been going the way I would like. I mean I am feeling better over all in terms of my mood and things like that but life is just going swimmingly. Take today for instance when I got an email back about a recent (like last night 10 pm recent) job application. They basically told me that they would not be continuing with my application which I just don’t get. I have four years of experience in this field and I was really hoping to help bring some extra income home. We have been struggling income wise lately. My menus have to be planned two weeks at a time and I try to spend under 100 dollars over two weeks. That is difficult with two adults and a toddler who eats as much as some adults. But any who this job was at a place where one of my neighbors used to work so I had asked him some tips, well he knows I didn’t get it and is looking into why because he has heard that they still have 5000 openings. You read that right 5 with three zeros after it. I am trying to figure out if I clicked something incorrectly on my application, if I am really just that bad of a candidate or what is going on. On top of that we had decided a couple of months back that we were ready to try for a second child and getting that negative test every month is really starting to take its toll on me. I mean I haven’t even had a period since before I got pregnant with Sky so I knew chances were slim but it still hurts. You hear about all these girls who get pregnant right away or they get pregnant on accident and it is just so frustrating. I will admit that I am jealous of them. I want to pop out babies like a Duggar (ok maybe not that many) but instead it takes a miracle to get pregnant. I just don’t know how much of this I can take. I really really want another baby or two or three or four but who knows if it will ever happen. I just want things to go well for once. I will never understand why some people have it so easy or maybe they only show the things that go well, maybe everyone’s lives are pretty shitty and we just make them look good for the camera. I just don’t know. I know I can count my blessings when I look at my family and my life. I have a loving husband, my beautiful daughter, two dogs who are kind of ridiculous but i still love them, family both near and far who love me and I love them, a best friend of over 20 years, a roof over my head, and food (kind of) in my pantry. What are you thankful for that gets you through the tough times?

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